Goodbye To You
by sparxxa
Summary: So this is what having your heart break feels like. Slash. RockyAdam
1. Chapter 1

Well here it is. My first slash fic (at least that's another resolution sorted). This was originally written as a song-fic but it doesn't really need the song and I wasn't completely certain whether song-fics are still allowed here, oh well. The song was Michelle Branch's "Goodbye to you" if you are interested (it's the one from the Buffy episode Tabula Rasa)

Ok, I will repeat again this is a slash. Got it? Good.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Power Rangers, never have, never will.

* * *

**Goodbye To You. **

So this is what having your heart break feels like. Standing here, watching him walk away. He doesn't know that I'm here but even if he did I doubt it would mean anything to him, if it did maybe he wouldn't be leaving…

It's incredible how things can change in a single moment. In the blink of an eye your whole world can be turned upside down, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. One minute we were three normal teens, just won a ninja tournament, the next we were being captured and nearly turned into evil minions of Lord Zedd; one minute we're keeping someone else's secret the next we _were_ the secret, Power Rangers; one minute you are best friends, the next dating; one minute fighting together, then fighting alone…one minute you are happy and then the next he decides he's leaving and that its all over…

It's all so complicated and confusing; I don't know where to start. It feels like everything has been torn away leaving me lost and alone.

Three years. That's how long it's been since he supposedly fell in love with me, but I don't know what to believe anymore.

Once upon a time it was all so simple, I keep thinking back to that day, about a year ago, when we started dating, yes it was so simple then. It was a special day in many ways; it was the day that we finally completed the Zeo crystal allowing us to become teenagers again, we had to say goodbye to Aisha but hello to Tanya, had the Command Centre blown up but then discovered the Power Chamber, became the Zeo Rangers for the first time and fought our first battle against our new enemy 'The Machine Empire'; it was one hell of a day. That evening though Rocky and I went for a walk, reminiscing about all the good things about our friendship with Aisha and how it felt for her to leave like that, without even saying goodbye.

Then he kissed me. He kissed me and the whole world went away. He asked me never to leave him and I promised that I never would…maybe I should have asked for the same promise from him in return, because now he's leaving.

He's leaving and taking away everything I knew and believed in. It's my own fault I suppose, for being so naive, believing we could make it. I was so desperate to believe that we could be together forever that I couldn't see the truth. Now that I look back I can't really be sure whether he really loved me at all.

I think I may have always known or at least suspected that I wasn't quite like everyone else, that my feelings for my male best friend were more than just being 'bros', that I was gay and falling in love with him.

My love life had always been pretty non-existent and when I did try dating girls it never quite worked out; first Anne in Stone Canyon, Sarah Diaz, Sabrina/Scorpina and then Marissa from the 1790s. After her I pretty much gave up, something was missing and it was far less painful not to try than to keep failing. Until Rocky of course. I couldn't tell you the exact moment when I realised that I was falling for him, but when he told me that he felt the same way…my world felt complete.

Telling my parents I was gay was so difficult; I really didn't know how they would react. My mother had always gone on about how she couldn't wait to be a grandmother, I really hated shattering that little illusion she had built up. When I told them…it was a little weird actually, I don't think they really knew how to react, although I'm pretty sure they were angry and upset even though they didn't say so. At first they were really quiet, trying to understand, struggling to accept. Then my mother joked that there was always adoption, she still wanted grandchildren regardless of my sexuality. It was a great relief to know that she still loved me, I don't think she was entirely happy or even acceptant of my choice but she was trying to be which was all that mattered. My dad didn't take it quite so well. For a long time there was a lot of awkwardness and coldness, until one day he came home from work having lost his cool with workmates for making homophobic remarks. I knew then that someday he would be able to accept what I was, and someday was more than good enough for me.

We didn't tell the others though, he said they wouldn't accept us, and he refused to tell his parents, saying he wasn't ready. I accepted that, I understood, it didn't really bother me. I told myself that he was just scared, that I had to be there for him and that it would all be ok in the end. As long as I held onto the belief that one day we would tell the others I could be happy. We were together and that's all I needed.

Aisha always told me that believing in love, romance and in the best of people would one day break my heart…but how was I to know that Rocky would be the one to hurt me?

When he said that he was leaving I didn't want to believe it, I knew that he didn't want to regain his powers after the accident, and although I wasn't exactly thrilled at the idea of a twelve year old being a ranger I did my best to accept his decision, I didn't realise then that that wasn't his only decision. He announced that he was leaving Angel Grove, and I really couldn't begin to understand that. I asked him what that meant for us, he just looked at me, strangely calm and emotionless, and said that it was probably time for us to call it a day, that it was best for both of us to just go our separate ways and draw a line under the past. I tried arguing with him but there was no point, he'd made his decision. He wanted a new life and I wasn't part of it. That hurt so much. I started wondering whether he'd ever meant it when he said "I love you". I'm even starting to wonder whether our friendship ever meant anything to him because right now I'm finding it hard to believe that it did.

He hasn't even said goodbye. Just sneaking off, taking advantage of an attack by Divatox to make his exit.

I was injured in the battle today. My distraction over Rocky allowed one of Divatox's goons to slash my arm pretty badly. I didn't stop at the Power Chamber to have it seen to though, I just came right here, holding my arm tightly to slow the blood flow as I watch him walk out of my life. The pain in my arm and the feel of my blood through my fingers confirm that this isn't just some nightmare; I'm not going to wake up and find that everything is fine, it's real. It's all real.

Damn it Rocky don't do this. Just turn around, look back and see me here. I'm not mad at you. You don't have to go. I love you.

I don't know what to do. When we were kids he'd make the decisions and I would trust him, following him even if I wasn't certain that it was what I wanted to do. I used to be a doormat, the shy quiet one who would always give in, yeah tell me your problems and secrets, who would I talk to? Who would I tell? I think even Rocky saw me like that sometimes. I can't be that person anymore; I don't want to be. I love Rocky but this time I'm not going to give in. I'm not going to run after him and beg him to change his mind. This time I'm just going to have to let him go and hope that everything works out the way destiny intends, even if that means we'll never see each other again. Maybe this is for the best…

There's a sound behind me. Someone has teleported in and somehow I just know who it is.

"He's gone"

Tommy looks to me with a small smile, "Just you and me of the old team left then… although if we don't get that cut sorted it'll be neither of us 'cos Kat'll kill me if I let you keel over. Come on"

I hesitate. One last glance back, before teleporting away to the Power Chamber.

Goodbye Rocky. I loved you.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, here it is, chapter two (that's another resolution done!). First off THANK YOU so much to my lovely reviewers Bored-Girl-84, Zaeria, PernDragonRider, Sky's girl forever, Lucille deObscurite, Rodan427 and Chylea3784, it meant a lot to me to read your comments on this story, I really hope this next bit is alright. Secondly I just want to say that this was a bit tougher for me because it's in Rocky's point of view which wasn't an easy frame of mind to get myself into.

Right the disclaimer is that I still don't own the Power Rangers and I never will.

* * *

Saying goodbye is never as easy as it may seem. It's not just saying the actual word that is hard, it's all the thoughts, feelings and emotions that go with it, especially if you are saying it to someone you care about. I thought that maybe by not saying goodbye, just walking away, it would hurt less. But I was wrong; it hurts just as much, maybe even more. 

I shouldn't have left the way I did, it was cowardly and stupid but at the time I couldn't think of any better way to handle it. Everything in my life was turning upside down so I started making snap decisions that are probably going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

Let me put it this way: When you are a Power Ranger you regularly throw yourself into dangerous, life threatening situations and fight like there are twenty of you because that is what you do. You are the only ones standing between the evils of the universe and the innocent citizens of the world, risks have to be taken. If you get hurt that's just part of the job, it's never too serious, you just dust yourself off and keep fighting because you can't afford not to. There's nothing else you can do.

But what if then, suddenly you aren't a Power Ranger? Whether by your choice or by other contributing factors, what happens to you then? You're not a superhero anymore but you're not exactly normal either; life can never be normal or ordinary ever again, not after something that incredible.

It's funny, the rangers have these sayings "Once a ranger always a ranger" or "You'll always be ranger in spirit" and yet after a while every single ex-ranger, no matter how close they were to the rest of the team, drift out of contact with the still active rangers, and there is good reason for that.

It's not just because the rangers are constantly busy fighting off evil space menaces, its more of a case that for the ex-rangers it hurts a lot less to just drift away from them. To know that you are safe while people you know and care about are out there risking their lives is an incredibly painful thing, the guilt and the helplessness after a while becomes too much to bear. So most invoke the old adage of "Out of sight, Out of mind", go as far away as possible and then slowly, gradually (so as not to raise suspicion) cut all lines of communication, let the friendship die out that way. It numbs out the pain, not much though because it still haunts you; you can't out run the truth.

The worst part though is knowing that you are letting someone down. It was hard enough dealing with the guilt of knowing that I was sending a twelve year old into such dangerous situations but the real deal clincher was hearing the story about what had happened in the temple on Muiranthias. Adam tried to play it down, brushing it off as no big deal but Justin in his innocence and honesty told me exactly how when Adam had been hit by Maligore he'd been paralysed and only pure luck and distraction techniques had prevented Adam from being killed. I knew then that I couldn't stay. I mean how could I just watch from the sidelines knowing that every time he went into a battle he might not come back? How could I watch someone I love be hurt?

Wait a minute, did I say love?

That's another part of the problem. Most people think that because Adam is so shy and quiet, and sometimes he lacks confidence (although I dare you to say that to his face, he has got quite a temper and gets really defensive about that kind of thing) that it also means that he is insecure. I promise you that is far from the truth. Adam is probably one of the most emotionally stable and secure people you could ever meet, he knows who he is and accepts that. I wish I could be the same. It's the opposite for me; everyone just sees the big personality and assumes that is backed up by confidence, but sometimes…. I don't know, realising that I was interested _that way_ in Adam was sort of a shock and since we were still only about fifteen at the time I just told myself that my feelings were just confused, of course I liked Adam he was my best friend, it didn't have to mean anything. But the feelings didn't go away, I just kept pretending and telling myself that it would all just pass and everything was fine.

Then Aisha left.

For the first time in our friendship I had to come to terms with the idea that Adam might not be in my life at some point and that scared me. So I kissed him. I have no idea what impulse made me do it I just knew that if I didn't I would regret it. I was half expecting him to freak out (well maybe not, Adam has always been able to stay calm in weird situations), but he didn't, he actually felt the same way and do you know what? I was relieved…and happy of course. It turned into dating and although he told his parents I was so not ready to tell mine or the others; being with Adam was one thing, telling other people about it was a completely different thing. Adam didn't mind though so it was ok, it was our secret.

It wasn't love though. I mean sure I told him that I loved him but we were seventeen and it was just another throw away line….I'll stop digging that hole for myself now.

I once asked my Dad what love was and he told me that love was the scariest thing in the world. It's like walking into a darkened room blindfolded, you never know what could be there waiting for you. Love is forever and forever in a darkened room is not something that I was ready for. Love songs and movies paint this wonderful picture of happily ever after but life isn't like that, love is scary and it hurts and a lot of the time it ends in pain and hate. I really didn't want to end up hating Adam or for him to end up hating me. So I admit it; I took the cowards way out and stopped it before it got serious. Him being a ranger and me not being a ranger was just a convenient door in the middle of a whole number of bad situations. So yeah, I left him. I told him that I was leaving and that it was time for us to just go our separate ways and call it a day. I thought that I was doing the right thing. Except, in the back of my mind there was this little voice, screaming at me that I was making the dumbest mistake that I had ever made. Especially when I saw the look in Adam's eyes. I'd hurt him and it will be a long time before that look will stop haunting me.

I'd made my decision and that was that.

Except…

Its been a year and a half since I left Adam and Angel Grove and there hasn't been a day that I haven't regretted it. I miss him so much, I didn't really think that I would but no matter how far I travel or how busy I make myself I still can't forget about him…maybe it was love…Damn it I wish I wasn't such a coward. It's no secret that the others see me as not the quickest on the uptake, but I really didn't think I was this dumb.

I'm also a hypocrite. When I told Adam I didn't want anyone else to know about us he didn't realise (and still doesn't) that I had already told someone. I hadn't meant to, it wasn't intentional, but Kim called me the night that I kissed Adam for the first time and I was so happy that I told her everything. I just couldn't believe that she was so cool with it, I swore her to secrecy though, even asking her not to tell Adam that she knew, not sure why but at the time…well I panicked ok?

Anyway I recently went to see her, and I told her about what I had done; her reaction was to slap me, hard. I deserved it though, I probably deserve a lot worse.

Once she'd calmed down though we talked and she told me that if I really do still care about Adam then I should be willing to go back and talk to him, tell him how I feel and risk him slamming the door in my face.

So now I'm sat here staring at a train timetable wondering whether to go back and face Adam, risking him either hitting me or telling me to go to hell, or whether I should keep running and try and forget about him.

Neither of them is particularly easy and even if he does want to try again could I do it? Could I actually see this thing through? Could I love him the way I should have loved him all those years ago?

There's a decision to be made here, one that has haunted me for the past year and a half. Question is, am I too much of a coward to make it?


	3. Chapter 3

I'm back! I'm sorry it's taken me so long but inspiration went and took a holiday which is never a good thing. Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed the past two chapters, you have no idea how grateful I am for your support on this fic.

Thanks also to A1 whose song "I still believe" helped me find my way back to this story.

So, at long last, here is Chapter 3…..

A/N: Set the afternoon of the In Space episode "Always A Chance"

* * *

It's one of those great Hollywood movie clichés that when an epic event like someone dying or nearly dying occurs it is practically always raining. Real life however does not conform to movie conventions like that; the weather does not tend to alter itself to convey the gravity of a particular situation.

Adam glanced out of his window to see a beautiful bright sunny day. Nope, his near death experience was nowhere nearly enough to warrant a rain-cloud or two.

It seemed strange to him to think that only a few hours earlier he possibly could have died.

He'd morphed using a broken power coin to help protect Carlos, the ranger he'd passed his powers on to, due to Carlos having had a crisis of confidence after accidentally injuring his team-mate Cassie and giving up his morpher. He'd known it had been a reckless thing to do and he fully acknowledged Alpha and Carlos' concerns that yes he really could have been destroyed, but as far as he was concerned he had done the right thing. Ok, so he had morphed knowing full well that he could have been destroyed but he wasn't suicidal, not by a long shot, he'd just known that he was the only one who could hold off the monster until either Carlos came to his senses and got his morpher back, the rest of the space team had shown up or both.

Thankfully everything had turned out for the best; the space team was now all back together again and he wasn't dead…despite the fact that the pain in his head and in his shoulder made him wish, just a tiny bit, that he was.

Morphing again had been incredible, but it wasn't just being morphed again that had felt so good, it was being the black ranger again.

Ever since he was little he'd always loved the colour black. His parents had worried that he might become a somewhat morbid child but he was never really that bad; angsty and thoughtful maybe, but not really morbid.

When he'd been asked to take over the black ranger powers from Zack he'd been happy to, and the fact that all the rangers seemed to be drawn to wearing their signature colours day in day out wasn't too much of a hassle since the majority of his wardrobe was made up of black pieces of clothing anyway.

Becoming the green Zeo ranger had been so much harder. He'd suddenly had to move away from black (which had been a bit of a pain) but also the legacy of the colour green for the rangers made things difficult. Green had been Tommy's colour; firstly when he was evil and then it was the first colour that he had had taken away from him, due to circumstances beyond the ranger's control. Green was Tommy's and black was Zack's. Out of one shadow and into another.

Signature colours were of great value to the rangers and once you lose one or retire from being a ranger it was almost an unwritten rule that you then have to avoid wearing that colour. Whether it was a conscious thing or not it was just something that happened. Adam himself had been drawn to wearing combinations of brown or beige, rather neutral boring colours that could in no way be associated with any of the rangers; because hey, who ever heard of a beige ranger?

As he'd gotten changed, that afternoon, out of his dusty/torn clothes he'd made the decision to start wearing black again. As he'd thought about it, it seemed rather ridiculous to keep avoiding certain colours just because he was no longer a ranger; back in Stone Canyon he'd worn black practically every day long before he'd known what a power ranger was, let alone even considered becoming one. He wondered how long it took or would take the others to come around to that way of thinking.

That was another thing that happened upon retirement from being rangers; lines of communication just seemed to dry up. It was almost as if the strong bonds that were created by fighting side by side by each there for so long were no longer relevant; they were obsolete. That was a rather bitter way of putting it though; everyone was simply busy moving on with their lives, making new plans and choices that drew then further and further away from the friendships and relationships that had made the various incarnations of their team a force to be reckoned with.

Adam could barely recall now long it had been since he'd actually had a proper conversation with any of them. Kim, Aisha, Billy, Jason, Tommy, Kat, Justin had all seemingly disappeared from his life; he still received postcards every now and again from Tanya but they were never particularly detailed….and then of course there was Rocky…

Rocky, who had been his best friend since they were kids, his team-mate as a ranger, his boyfriend of approximately a year, who had left him and the rangers after an accident had forced him to pass up the blue turbo powers to Justin Stewart.

Adam tried not to think about Rocky if he could help it. Apart from an incident where he'd been slightly injured in a battle while he was distracted over Rocky's decision to leave, he hadn't let it affect him that much. He didn't mope or retreat into himself and he certainly didn't spend any time crying over it, he just did his best to carry on as normal. "What's done is done" became his main thought about the entire situation.

Adam sighed to himself. That whole near-death-experience thing had made him start reminiscing, which is always a dangerous path to tread; it didn't do anyone any good to keep going over the things that they should've, would've or could've said if only they could turn back time and change things.

Thankfully the doorbell ringing dragged him away from his darkening thoughts. He crossed over to the door, trying to ignore the sharp stab of pain in his shoulder that occurred as he moved. He opened the door and was stunned to see who was stood looking back at him.

It was Rocky….

* * *

Rocky couldn't believe that he was actually there. After a lot of indecision and another pep talk from Kim- complete with threats of physical violence if he kept being a coward and/or continued bugging her- he had finally returned to Angel Grove.

Two years hadn't really changed the place the place that much; not that he particularly expected it to; it just seemed strange to be back. He'd heard from someone on the train that the Power Rangers were now the Space Rangers and that they fought against some evil space girl called Astronema or something like that; at the time he had absently wondered whether anyone he knew was still on the team, but whether there was or wasn't was not the most important thing on his mind.

He wasn't back in Angel Grove to reminisce or to speculate about the identity of the power rangers, he was there to find Adam.

Leaving Adam had been one of the stupidest things that he had ever done (and there was quite a list of those already). He'd been scared and stupid and most certainly had done everything wrong; and taking two years to put things right was possibly the worst thing that he could have done (beyond actually making the decision to leave in the first place). But now he was back and he was going to try and make things right with Adam and even if Adam never wanted to see him again at least he could try and apologise; it was the least he could do.

As he headed through the familiar streets of Angel Grove towards Adam's house he began to start feeling edgy again. If he turned around and left now Adam would be none the wiser that he'd been back and it might save them both some heartache.

Soon Adam's house would come into view and he would have to make a final decision: could he go through with it and talk to Adam or should he just flee and stay out of Adam's life permanently without knowing whether Adam would ever forgive him or not …maybe he didn't even deserve forgiveness for what he'd done…

He was finally there. Adam's house was directly in front of him. This was the point of no return, his last chance to turn around and pretend he'd never returned to Angel Grove at all.

As much as he wanted to flee and take the easy way out he knew in his heart that this was what he had to do.

He approached the door and rang the doorbell. When nothing happened for a few moments he began to wonder whether Adam even still lived there anymore: what if the Park's had moved? What if Adam had left home? What if Adam was away at college or something? Had he come all this way for nothing?

Just then the door was opened and there was Adam, looking quite surprised to see him…and he couldn't really tell whether the look he was being given was 'good surprise' or 'bad surprise'.

Suddenly everything he had thought about saying to Adam to prevent his old friend from slamming the door in his face vanished from his mind. He had to say something, but what?...

"Hi"

* * *

And we'll leave it there. Next time will be the actual confrontation. I'll try my very best and (work allowing) I'll do everything I can to have it up by the beginning of March.

Sneak preview:

"_Did you ever mean it when you said you loved me?"_

"_At the time I didn't think I did"_


	4. Chapter 4

I am so, so sorry! I know that I said I'd try for the beginning of March and it's now the beginning of April but…well I have no excuse so I'll just apologise again. SORRY!!

Thank you so much for all of you who have stuck with this story and followed it though. Thank you especially to PunkPinkPower for giving me the final kick up the backside to "hurry up" and get this done.

I'm not sure but I think this could be it. Our final chapter. If anyone wants an epilogue or anything else just let me know and I'll do my best! So let's get on to it….

**Chapter 4: Goodbye to You **

* * *

"Hi"

One word and already Rocky felt like kicking himself. Of all the inadequate things to say he just had to go and say it.

Adam was just staring at him and it was starting to make him feel like he'd made a mistake in coming back and bringing everything up again.

Suddenly Adam just turned and walked back into the house leaving the door open and Rocky still stood on the doorstep.

Since the door hadn't been slammed in his face Rocky took it as a good sign and followed Adam inside closing the door after himself.

* * *

To say that Adam had been surprised to see Rocky would be rather a drastic understatement. It felt so weird and unreal that he couldn't even respond to Rocky's rather weak "Hi". Two years apart and then when Rocky finally does decide to reappear he manages to lose all capability of speech; wonderful.

Not to mention that the dizziness was returning.

Of all the times for Rocky to just decide to wander back into his life why on earth did it have to be the day that he had nearly died? Surely there couldn't be some sort of deity up there that hated him that much. Combining a near death experience and the return of his ex into the same day? That was just cruel.

The dizziness was getting worse and he knew that if he didn't sit down it would be very probable that he would fall down, and losing control like that in front of Rocky was something that he certainly did not want to do.

To be quite frank in that moment he honestly couldn't care less whether Rocky would decide to come in or not, he just had to sit down.

* * *

Rocky stood nervously in the doorway of the Park's living room as technically Adam hadn't actually invited him in; in fact he hadn't actually said anything to him at all.

Glancing around the room it was quite nice to see that it had barely changed at all over the years that the Park family had been living there. There was a sort of comfort in coming back to somewhere that was so familiar and filled with memories and finding that it is practically the same as when you left it. The only thing that he did notice was missing was a picture of the Park, DeSantos and Campbell families all together that had been taken by one of their old neighbours back in Stone Canyon just before all three families had moved to Angel Grove. It had always been one of his favourites and it felt strange to see it no longer there on the side table where it had been for so many years.

He looked back at Adam, taking a moment to see him properly. Of all the people in his life Adam had been one of the most steady and consistent presences. He could always rely on Adam no matter what; it had never been a doubt in his mind that Adam would stand beside him no matter what ridiculous thing he had done. Now though he wasn't quite so sure. He'd done the ridiculous and left him and now being back in such close proximity to Adam without Adam even speaking to him yet made him wonder if he could ever restore such a bond between them. Like all his other observations Adam hadn't changed too much either, ok so his hair was a bit longer but that wasn't too much of a difference, and he was wearing black which was more of a surprise, but pleasantly so. The one thing that did concern him though was that Adam looked really pale, almost washed out. He wondered whether he should mention anything but those thoughts went out of his mind as Adam finally looked at him, gaze steady; unrevealing. Again, intelligent speech deserted him.

"Hi"

"Why are you here Rocky?"

* * *

It hadn't been asked nastily, if anything he had just sounded tired, but seeing Rocky flinch at the abrupt question made Adam feel just that little bit guilty. He probably should have just said 'Hi' in return and maybe get over the small talk 'How are you?' 'Been up to anything interesting?' 'Nice weather we're having', but he didn't want to waste time. He'd been waiting two years for this moment and he wanted to know the truth at long last. Rocky should have expected that. He should have realised that Adam would want to know the answers to all his questions but then again Rocky had never been one for thinking to far ahead and maybe he had been prepared to answer that question, just not quite so early on in the conversation.

"I-uh- wanted to talk to you"

Rocky had never been one to sound uncertain about what he was doing, he was always the one to breeze right through any situation and then maybe later think about what he'd done, to hear him sound so unsure was definitely new.

"You've had two years, why now?"

Damn it, why was he turning into the bad guy? He had been the one to be dumped and abandoned so why all of a sudden now that Rocky had shown up out of the blue was he beginning to feel guilty about the way he was handling the situation?

* * *

This was not going the way Rocky had planned. He hadn't had any silly ideas of Adam just instantly forgiving him and everything going automatically back to the way that they had always been but he hadn't been ready for just a flat emotionless tone asking him such questions.

"Because I was a coward…I shouldn't have waited so long"

Adam didn't reply, just stayed exactly as he was, silently watching him. With a sigh he continued.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry for leaving the way I did, you deserved better than that"

"Why did you do it? Why did you leave?"

Rocky had to hesitate. In his mind this hadn't been nearly as hard to do.

"Do you want the honest answer?"

"Might be a nice start"

Rocky sighed "I was scared"

* * *

Adam blinked. That wasn't quite what he'd expected- although possibly he should have- but to hear Rocky actually say the words was a complete shock to his system.

"Scared" he repeated slowly, as if the word was foreign.

Rocky nodded and started pacing slightly, not going very far. If he'd been sat down he would have been fidgeting. He was suddenly all nervous energy and for some reason that was making Adam feel nervous as well.

"Yeah Adam I was scared. Hurting my back like that…it made me aware that I was just as mortal as all those people we protected as rangers. To be honest it had never really occurred to me before that I could be hurt or maybe even killed…and it wasn't just me" He paused momentarily to take a deep breath. "For the first time I realised that any of us could be hurt…that _you_ could be hurt. The thought of you being injured or losing you…it terrified me, and you were still a ranger so you were being put in danger practically everyday…I couldn't handle it. I couldn't stay, having to wait and worry about whether you'd be coming back to me or whether you'd…I couldn't watch you be hurt Adam."

As he finished he let out a shaky breath and sat down on the chair opposite Adam. It was almost as if finally revealing the truth to Adam had drained him of all his energy. It felt good, but there was still one fear that he left unspoken

_I was afraid that us being rangers was the only reason we were together. _

* * *

Adam watched him, trying to register all of that. Internally he smirked at the pain in his shoulder thinking that it was a good thing that Rocky didn't know what he'd done earlier that day. He frowned though as everything started clicking into place.

"Why didn't you tell me? We could've talked about this"

Rocky sighed "I'm sorry…I thought I was doing the right thing"

"Was it?" Adam asked

"The right thing?" Rocky clarified "No, leaving you could never be the right thing"

"Yet you did"

This really wasn't going well. "Dumbest thing I ever did…and you know that I've got quite a list to choose from"

Adam didn't react to the joke. He was still feeling too frustrated with the whole situation to respond to Rocky's attempt at changing the atmosphere between them.

There was one question that was gnawing away at him and had been ever since Rocky had announced that he was leaving Angel Grove and ending their relationship. He wasn't sure whether he should ask it or not; he wasn't certain whether he could handle the answer, especially if Rocky tried to lie to him.

"There's something you want to ask isn't there?" Rocky asked breaking into his thoughts.

He glanced up at the other man startled. Damn it all if Rocky could still read him like an open book. Most people tried to read his emotions, and most failed to do so accurately, but Rocky was the one who could read him with perfect clarity; he really hated that.

Sighing he knew he had to go for it, despite the pain that the answer might bring.

"Did you ever mean it when you said you loved me?"

"At the time I didn't think I did"

Adam nodded absently, as if that had been what he'd been expecting: Rocky had lied.

"But" Rocky continued "The more I think about it, the more I know that I did mean it"

Adam was confused now. "What?"

"At the time I thought I was just saying the words you know, but after I left…there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't regret what I had done…I was just too much of a coward to face up to what I'd done. But yeah, I did mean it…it just took me a while to figure it out"

"So you lied to me but its ok because you later worked out that you did love me after all?" Adam asked, a hint of incredulity edging in to his voice.

"I, uh, still do Adam; love you that is…I still love you"

Adam was stunned. He really didn't know how to react to that.

"What do you want Rocky?"

"You" Rocky answered immediately "I want to start again with you…make up for what I've done."

"Rocky…" Adam began "When you left you hurt me, more than I even let myself acknowledge. You took away everything that I had believed in, destroyed the trust and faith that I had in you…and despite all that I still couldn't bring myself to hate you for doing all that; and I still can't. Even if I did forgive you, and even if I did agree to start again, how would I know that this time you wouldn't leave when things got complicated? How can I ever trust you again?"

Rocky sat still thinking over what Adam had said. He could almost hear Kim's voice in his head screaming at him to fight for what he wanted; to fight harder to make Adam believe him.

"You can't" He replied simply. "You can't do any of that and I can't promise you anything either. All we can do is try and rebuild things day by day and let the future take care of itself. The only thing that I can swear to is that I love you and that I am going to do whatever it takes to get you to believe that. All I'm asking for is the chance to try." He paused again "Do you still love me?"

Adam arched an eyebrow "Do you think we would have been talking this long if I didn't?"

Rocky smirked "No you probably would have slammed the door in my face"

At Adam's smirk he continued on "So can we start over? Be friends again?"

Adam looked uncertain "Rocky…"

"Adam I was a moron but please let me make amends"

Noticing that Adam was fighting back a smile he had to ask "What?" warily

"Did you know 'moron' is the Welsh word for 'carrot'?" Adam asked innocently

Rocky frowned "What?"

"A girl in my class at college is originally from Wales and she told me that it always cracks her up when she hears people call each other moron because as far as she's concerned they are calling each other a carrot"

Rocky grinned "Is that so?" He suddenly got to his feet "Well then Adam, I am a carrot. In fact I am the king of carrots and all lesser carrots should bow down before me"

Adam tried his hardest not to laugh but it was so damn hard to remain angry at Rocky for any period of time; especially when you were in the same room as him.

Rocky saw Adam smiling and he knew there and then that although they had a lot of work ahead of them to repair and restore all the bonds that they used to have between them that they would make it in the end. Everything would eventually be alright, and he had a feeling that this time around their relationship was going to be even stronger than it ever had been before.

Forever in a darkened room? Bring it on!

* * *

_Thanks again for reading! _

_(oh I hope this is ok…)_


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